unpredictable journal

31 March 2009

Didn't manage to sleep well these few nights and tried to wake up early when m going over to NAC to relief. Even though I left house early, but I always couldn't get up the bus at 0730. So most of the time I would end up taking cabby to work which I dislike the most. Sighs.

And I don't know whats wrong with her, simply don't like her attitude. Sucks. I know m stupid, but you don't 've to be so impatient with me. M glad that they called to cancel the order.

Maybe later end day will want to leave early. Going back to ORQ to shift my stuffs. Is month end, and that marked the first quarter of 2009. Look how fast time flies.

M getting older without much saving =( Don't know why each time I asked myself to save, the more I spent. Just like I spent 230bucks for a great deal at Kimage last evening.

N I hope FM sickness subsided - Virus totally clean from her IS. And IS have no problem functioning for another... say 5years. If she going for any holiday I should be tagging along to assist her and Alan in carrying their luggages. So I don't 've to go to NAC to relief her.

I hope I'll luv myself more

09:14

29 March 2009

My goodness, I slept the entire Sunday away! Just now went to central and pick up my com but the shop closed. =( Sighs. Tomorrow gotta be back to office, kinda lazy. Haven't wash up my clothes and haven't pack up my room. =( Argh... can I've another week of leave? Tomorrow gotta sation at NAC. =(

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:06

28 March 2009

Had a delightful day with love and really wanted to blog an entry before I would sleep. But m exhausted so reader pls pardon me blogging in point form.

Meet up with love and headed to cine k

Bump into Wati, Step and SK

Didn't sang well because I didn't drink (usu will 've a hoarsen and sexier vocal if I drink)

K session ended at 7pm and we walked around heeren

Chilled out at coffee club with love and we had muddy mud pie =)

Left at10pm and saw lil' Bernice sms that her friend couldn't make it to o bar =(

So headed home instead

Love thanks you for a delightful evening!

dead beat

Wonder how is his prawn catching session with his ex c'mate

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:59

Saturday morning and m up at this hour. Being woken up by his sms. Sometimes I really find it strange. I noticed each time when I've a strong feeling that he'd call, he called. Was it because my six sense was always so accurate or was it because of telepathy? Really couldn't figure out.

I think m dead shit. Gotta meet up with _ _ _ _ most probably around noon time. Because _ _ _ _ made a reservation at x p.m. After the session 'd be going to O bar to join lil' Bernice and friends. Then I might not want to be home early, but m glad that _ _ _ _ tagging along with me. For the sake of _ _ _ _ I'll try to send _ _ _ home early.

But before meeting _ _ _ _ I'd like to go Jean Yip Beauty care. That means I must wake up at 9am to prepare. =(

Hmm... is Saturday, haven't get my hair trimmed. Should I or shouldn't I get it straightened? Reader pls advice.

Hope weather gonna be cooling, because someone going to catch prawns. And hope all of you've a great weekend!

I hope I'll luv myself more

05:38

27 March 2009

Don't know whats wrong with me, I cancelled all meet up. Supposedly to meet up with Zann on Wednesday but didn't plan my time well ended up didn't meet her. Cancelled meet up with Jacelyn on Thursday because couldn't wake up early to prepare. Cancelled this evening meet up with colleagues because troubled with sis problem. Sighs. And I nearly cancelled the K session tomorrow. But I think she might give me some good advice.

Sometimes really don't feels like interfering so much, but... .. . sighs.

Is Friday

I wish I could have longer break

I hope I'll luv myself more

13:44

26 March 2009

Oh suppose to meet Jacelyn for lunch this morning at her work place but then was so troubled last night, didn't sleep well.

Finally tomorrow is Friday and soon it's coming to an end of my block leave and that means Kelly gonna be back! =] Tomorrow meeting colleagues for dinner, maybe after that... .. . might want to go drink alone. Depends on dining location and what time we end. =)

Looking forward to Saturday going out with _ _ _ _ .

Wanna set my blog to private, but then quite leh cheh. ='(

Alright gotta shower and prepare meeting Qin later. Wanna go JP, and wanna go Kimage to get my hair trimmed. Wanna straighten my hair, but then m so damn lazy. Don't feels like stepping out of house. ='(

I miss my lil' niece

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:50

Com down with viruses again, tomorrow sending it for "treatment".

Was sleeping inside the room, and being woke up by sis. She was shouting something and I thought lil' niece must have make her angry. Quickly walked out from the room and saw bro in law strangling her neck. Scared me, I pushed them apart and tried not to interfere.

As usual and expected all these. Sometimes I just don't understand why she loves to do things that bro in law don't like. Just like texting on mobile 24hours, which hubby can endure? Yes, the hubby must have faith in himself and trust towards her. But then texting the same person for the past 3weeks, how to endure?

They quarrelled, the fought. The lil' niece told me that she was fearful, but there's nothing I could do to resolve the problem. He packed his stuffs and lil' niece bag and they left. This time, I guess they won't be back so soon. I felt so unbearable when my niece left, she walked towards me and gave me a hug when I burst into tears. Poor lil' girl.

People always act and do things stupidly. Why drink to drown your sorrow? Why cry when daughter left you? All these are what you wanted long ago, and now you should be happy. Because your dream comes true. I never want to do anything to stop bro in law to file a divorce with you because you hasn't be a good wife/a good mother. You're always selfish and cares only about yourself. When you're vexed about work, your hubby is there for you. When you're sick on bed, he gets you medicine. But when he met in accident, the first thing you do is to give him a dressing down. When he was badly injured, and needed you to shower for him. You showed attitude. I thought is your duty as a wife to take care of him?

Out of so many alcoholic drink, why must you choose bacardi? You told me the other day that your asthma will relapse if you drink Bacardi, then why still choose that?

Yes, there're many things I do not understand.

feeling xtreme low w bad headache

I hope I'll luv myself more

03:21

24 March 2009

Don't know why each time m on leave mummy sure quarrelled with her supervisor and end up jobless. Heard from her was the supervisor didn't credit her cpf, cheated her money. That's why she voiced out.

Yesterday went over for dinner, she said she will prepare lunch today for me. Was telling babe in msn that m lazy to go over maybe dinner time then walk over. Soon after that, mummy came over and she said she lazy to cook so bought lunch for me. As usual, she'll tidy up the entire house before she sits down and tuck in. Sometimes I just feel so spoilt by her. Hahas.

But why I always lose my temper and shouted back at her? She was saying that must be me always leaving the com on thats why the com spoilt. I knew she was just joking with me, but I just can't take that as a joke. I can't control myself but told her off.

Sometimes, it's better for them not to touch my things. If bro needs the com back, he can always have it back. And I'll get a new desktop/lappy myself. Mom said: "Why your characteristic resemble your aunties at your father side? Always so calculative, so petty, so bad/hot/quick temper", so stingy." Yah... she was right, but this is me.

I'm always calculative towards my family, I always throw tantrum and lose my cool towards my family. I'm always stingy towards my family. But towards my friends and the bf, I never. Why?

I never like them long ago.

Don't know why m like this, always have a plan to do something but never get it started.

Always wanted to move out and stay far away from them, but m still stuck at sis place. =(

How nice if it's gonna be 15years later after a blink of eyes. So I can buy my own house with my own name. Do whatever I like without having to see ppl face.

have an urge to drink..

I hope I'll luv myself more

18:38

23 March 2009

Just finish watching the HK drama "Always Ready". Thumb ups! Today is jie jie birthday, here wishing her Happy Birthday! Hmm... what she wants for birthday gift is to ex. I gotta think twice before I decide to buy for her, a lappy. Maybe when the com fixed, I'll move it home for brother to use and get a lappy/desktop for myself. If a lappy, she can share it with me. And treat her to seafood buffet this Friday. =)

Don't know why I'm kinda sad, good friend Kelly gonna be away for one week to Japan for her school trip. Kinda miss her and worried. Not sure if she could adapt to the environment there. Hope she enjoy herself over there. And her aunt take good care of her granny when she's away. Know she worried 'bout her granny health. Thats why didn't disturb her this morning. Hmm... bon voyage!

Didn't have this kind of feeling for quite long. Ever since his last report at the airport before his trip to state. Don't know why was so fearful last night when walking home after chilling out with KQ at PM. And have an urge to phone him. But didn't wanna disturb his sleep. Wonder how was his day as tour guide today.

Maybe girls still do not know about us. That why they didn't ask anything about us. =) Sometimes, just couldn't help not to stop thinking/missing you. Couldn't stop worrying 'bout you. Every second hoping that you're doing well.

Really wish to have a dinner with you and chat the night away.

... .. .

I hope I'll luv myself more

17:26

Wanna use com to help mummy check something and realised that it was down with virus. I got so mad and questioned my brother and sister if they used my com. Maybe m on top of my anger that I shouted at my sis though she told me she did not use my com the night before. M sorry.

Mom asked me to call up dad to ask him to get the technician up to fix the com for me. But I refused, don't wanna contact him only when I need him to do me a favour. So mom went back home and asked dad to call the technician. Shortly he came, but didn't manage to fix my com for me. He went back home when I doze off. =(

Fixed the internet to my sis com, thats why m down here blogging. =] Later gotta help my brother to fax his police report. His bike stolen by someone. Sighs. And don't know which idiot wanna have a fight with him Saturday night at dragonfly. Idiotic people don't because my brother small in size good to be bullied. You people coward, 10 over people beat 1person. You think your girlfriend very pretty? Plz lahs have some confident in urself can? Just wonder how he's now. Worried

Lazy to go over to accompany mom leh. =(

I wanna sing K.

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:30

21 March 2009

Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much

And I've to close my eyes and hide.

I wanna hold you till I die, till we both break down and cry.

I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides.

I hope I'll luv myself more

09:41

Manage to survive at work yesterday. Alright, m really glad that I've colleague like Wati. I'm suppose to take over Six Mama duties but she done everything for me. Thanks! Appreciate officers help too. =)

Meet up with luv at her workplace and headed to Illuzion (Quite difficult to find that pub =( ) so ended up we took cabby there) People there kinda kns, keep disturbing ppl. Pissed off. And that pretty doll girl kept playing game with us, loser TA again. Discount, half a cup ='(

Luv m sorry always let you drink so much and always 've to get you to send me home first. Sorry! Enjoyed your accompaniment, thanks!

Happy that he called =) And I hope we'd remain to be like this.

Hmm... tons of email to clear before I go on block leave starting Monday. Wanna clear my stuffs too, so that new colleague can use my desk when m away. =)

Sometimes thing just don't work out.

I hope I'll luv myself more

09:21

17 March 2009

Was so tempted to join Fitness First when I got to know from Six Mama (Melissa) that they offer corporate price for RBS staffs. And whats more? The fitness centre located just beside my office. =] How I wish I'll visit the gym and a 30mins run on treadmill in the morning, shower and get changed for work. And attend classes in the evening after my work, especially.. body pump. I jolly miss all those fun and loves the feeling of sweating after workout. It simply helps me to sleep well, and wake up early without having to set alarm clock. As well as it really do helps to destress.

But according to my doctor advise, is better for me not to sweat. But that doesn't means I don't exercise at all. I can't swim as well and 've got phobia learning to swim. Sighs. If only this has not happen. Maybe I'll consult my doctor advice again.

Maybe during my block leave I can do some shopping and get myself a new pair of running shoes. Should get back on track again cuz m getting fat. =) I really hope I don't munch so much of junk food. It's not going to do any good to me.

So one bread for lunch for this entire week. No dinner appointment. =)

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:16

Why favours me?

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:00

14 March 2009

Rec'd call from EF says that FM accounting paper is on 30th this month. So asked if I can take my block leave on the 23rd-27th instead of 25th-31st. What else can I say? No? Impossible. Sians. -.-" Just can't accept that fact that we've to consider other branches head counts before we're allow to take leave. Is r i d i c u l o u s lors. But on the other note, FM had been too nice to me. So whenever she needs help, I'll try my best to help her. Though still have 'bout 2weeks more, wonder how's her preparation for her paper. Hmm... I guess she must still be playing bb and never get started with her revision. But with her intelligence, shouldn't be a problem scoring for distinction without doing any revision. So best of luck!

Weekend is here and I have never like, because I gotta do my laundry after my work and also clean up the room. That bores me to core! A ha... Wonder if the girls are free to chill out at night at our usual place. Kinda miss those nights.

Oh yah, I slept around 9pm last night and couldn't get out of bed when the alarm rang at 5.45am. I let it snooze and nearly overslept. Only got out of bed at 7am. But Sat m not afraid to take a cab, because usually there won't be any traffic jam. So again, I reached office at 8.25am =(

Sweet of Celin to bought dessert for us. TQ! Reminds me of those days when m a lil' kiddo, mom 'd wake up early in the morning to the market and come back home with soybean milk. =) I miss home. Sobbs ='(

I hope I'll luv myself more

10:03

12 March 2009

Wati has been pretty quiet these few days and got to know from her that she's still mad with her husband about xxx. She used to give in all the times to the hub, but not this time round. Guess her hub really hurts her feeling, and she really minds what the husband thought was only a joke. It bothers her for a week + and she mentioned that he doesn't know how much she loved him. I wish I could help, but then again is better not to interfere.

Mentioned the other day that I had a tiff with Zann/Jasm/and that unreasonable girl to him. He reminded me that I have never shout at him before. Was it really because I see things more openly and optimistically or was it because I loved him too much?

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:22

Melissa on compassionate leave today till next Tuesday. Then Susan was on one day leave. Left Wait, Stephanie and me. Was so busy with work that I only went out for lunch at 2.45pm. Wanna trf $ for my purchases but don't know whats wrong, failed to trf. Walked to coffee bean and had a slice of cake with ultimate w/o whipped cream and thats gone my half an hour lunch break. ='( Half an hour lunch is really too short. Esp your lunch time was being scheduled at 12pm. You peeps aware the crowds at town eatery. That's also why sometimes I couldn't be bother to have a proper lunch though most of the times I only had one meal a day.

Heavy workload and we're short handed, endless work to do. Kim was asking who wanna drink coke, and I said I want. Kinda strange because I used to hate drinking gas drink. But m serious, coke really kills headache. N I gluped down one and a half bottle of coke. Headache(ness) subsided and comes the discomfort gastric and giddiness. =(

Anyway, I expected all these esp these few days been eating spicy and sour foods. Ate too lil and had been too exhausted.

Wonder how's the planning for lil' Malcom birthday celebration. And today's Valencia birthday, Happy Birthday To You!

Valencia texted "Can see you can't get over eric". Hahas.

Well, that's a fact that I can't deny.

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:43

Work sucks, quoted wrong rates. Another Ops Loss case. ='(

I hope I'll luv myself more

12:09

11 March 2009

Haven't finish my satistic report and was being chased back home by officers. =) On my way back home. was craving for the mango salad and the fish soup at thai express so texted MD asked him to accompany me for dinner. I met this lil' "boy" the other day when I had lunch with mummy at the same restaurant. I commented that he's pretty cute looking and MD said, is a she. Hahas, I got deceived by her haircut. It was so nicely trimmed and styled thats why I would guess a he. Out of curiosity, MD asked the manager whether her staff is a he/she. N yepp, was a she. =( Looks like, I've no choice but to accompany him for a movie.

Reached home past mid night, so tired. Had a nice chat with Eric. Slept only at 2.30am and woke up at 5.45am, thought we'd meet up for breakfast at mac. But hahas... well, looks like someone couldn't get himself up from bed. =) But at least, he texted, informed.

Eric mentioned on the phone that I do snore when I sleep. Hahas, I don't believe. He joked if he needs to record down. If there's a chance, he'll. =)

Don't know why, I just can't stop thinking of him since the day he called.

At times m glad that he was here at my workplace. Each time I see him, he'll always tease me and that really makes my day. Didn't know that he stayed at Jur too, and somewhere near my block. Heh*2, don't wanna dinner at GP but JP. Really hope that one day will come =)

I hope I'll luv myself more

09:27

09 March 2009

Don't know why I've such a sister like her. Get to know from lil' niece that she didn't go to work today because of stomach feeling unwell.

Me: You didn't work today?

She: No

Me: Then why can't you help to bring in my clothes when it rains?

She: Why can't you bring in before you go work this morning?

Me: Because I woke up late, thats why. You're so selfish always think of yourself.

She: When it rains, you don't help to bring in our clothes either what.

Me: What you say? When it rains, ur not in. I bring in, folded and place in on the sofa. CB kia..

Bro-in-law: She's feeling unwell. Nevermind, you put into washing machine and wash it one more time.

Pls not all my clothes can throw inside the washing maching to wash. And I know is my biz for not getting up early this morning. But you don't have to say such things if you don't wanna help.

That selfish kia never wash clothes with her own hands before. Thats why she won't know how tiring it is to hand wash all officer wears and jeans. Esp after a hectic day at work. ='(

Today not my day okies? Mistake, mistakes, mistakesS, mistakeSs and mistakeSSS.

I hope I'll luv myself more

21:25

Was watching the HK drama "Always Ready" till 1am++ Forced myself to bed, but couldn't sleep. This morning nearly overslept, heh*2 so reached branch as usual 5mins late. And I guess I can't put anything on top of the toilet roll holder because I'll always forget to take my stuff after changing. So today I misplaced my key! Was about to "boardcast" through email but Wati she found it! Whee~ Yepp, m only 22years old but looks like m real forgetful. Is there anything that I can eat to improve my stm problem? Hahas.

Anyway, to be very frank hasn't been sleeping well these few nights. The other night he texted, our past just flashed back in my mind. I thought I'll never cry over such silly thing, but I did fri/sat and sun. I cried myself to sleep. Why?

Is raining cats and dogs outside. Hmm...

I hope I'll luv myself more

12:58

07 March 2009

My colleague at NAC called and cried on the phone. She found a good deal to go to korea for 6days at only 700bucks inclusive of air tix+airport tax+accomodation. Why not?

So she was asking if I can go over to NAC to cover her from Apr 11-18. I'm perfectly ok with it so Rosie spoke to Doris to see if she allows me to cover NAC. Doris told FM that Stephanie is on block leave, ORQ can't afford to spare staff to NAC. FM asked how about she get Nor from Thomson branch to cover ORQ and me to cover NAC. Doris told her that thomson branch is very busy one staff can't cope with the customer crowds. You decide yourself see if you still wanna go.

FM was very upset because she really wanna go for this trip. Asked her to seek her bf advice but Alan told her since now short-handed then we save and go end of this year. Still the same. But I don't agree. For the same trip, will you wanna fork out 700 for the trip or 2k? Is a huge different eh? More over, they're getting marry soon, they gotta save for their wedding.

Yes Doris didn't say that she cannot take leave, but I think that she shouldn't put words across like this. Maybe Doris don't mean that way, so why not just give it a try to see if Eileen approves your leave?

Looks, officers are contradicting.

First they said we are to clear half of our AL by June and now FM wanna go for a holiday taking a 5days AL. She was being reminded that thomson branch can't cope with the crowds with only one staff. Yes is true. But then again, this is when you as our Branch Ops Manager (BOM) should do something for us. Voice out to Mrs Teo for us.

Is very unfair for us. Just like what I had mentioned and voiced out so aggressively the other day. When we've got enough manpower we were "forced" to clear leave. When we're short handed our leave are blocked. But why? Is our entitlement.

I hope I'll luv myself more

14:49

After blogging out the below entry, I've forgotten what I actually wanna blog about.

I hope I'll luv myself more

14:39

Had a day off and woke up only at 11am++ thought sis still sleeping inside her room but she already went out. Mom came over and as usual she would sweep the floor and tidy the house while waiting for me to prepare. Had lunch at thai express, asked mom if it suits her appetite. And she said it was tasty! When the bill came, she said I shouldn't 've spent so much on a meal. Hahas. Mom, once in awhile you gotta pamper your stomach!

Lunch session with mom and she bends my ear about sis and me. I told mom that bro-in-law is a very good hubby he does all the things that a wife ought to do like:

1. Wake up early in the morning to make milk for the kid

2. Send the kid to school

3. Pick up the kid from the school

4. Buy dinner for the family

5. Shower for the kid

6. Prepare dinner for the kid

7. Chase the kid to bed

8. Sing song to the kid

9. Did all the laundry (wash, hang and bring in the clothes, fold and put neatly into the wardrobe)

10. Vacuum and mop the floor

11. Tidy the house every weekend

Looks... where to find such a good hubby? N as hub and wife, I personally strongly think that both should contribute to the household expenses. But no, everything bears by my bro-in-law.

My sister she's so fortunate yet she do not know how to cherish the hubby. Sighs.

And lil' niece is only 5years old, her only child. But why can't she pampers her just a lil' more. Talk to her nicely and be more patient with her? Why? My heart ache each time lil' niece cried especially when she dressed gorgeously and dolled up glamorous(ly) burst into tears just because she needed the mom to apply cream for her itch. But the mom couldn't find the cream and got so piss off and yelled at her on top of her voice. It really hurts not just the lil' girl but me as well.

Lil' niece always love me tagging along when they go out for shopping but m just so lazy to step out of the house during weekend. I hope the daddy talk senses to her, cuz she'll understand and be a obedient girl. She just a lil' girl, be more patient and tolerance. Love her, dote on her. Build a good relation with her.

That time when bro-in-law and lil' niece went over to yew tee, don't you feel the house empty? I could tell you miss them badly but why can't you just apologise?

One more thing - You think for yourself. So what bro-in-law is just a courier man? And why... why he refuse to find job (engineering line) that he's interested in? Because of you. He can choose to put his career as his top priority and be a career man. He can work 48hours non-stop because he's so into it but can you take it? Can you do all the things he does as a daddy? You can't and is proven before both of you got married.

Why can't you think how fortunate you're to have such a great hub and daughter?

Sometimes I just felt so envious of mom and sis to have such a capable hubby. N thats the reason why m so into him when he's the first guy whom I met so far who knows how to cook, did his own laundry and obviously a filial son. Thats why I cherish him so much and willing to change myself but things isn't as simple as what I think.

Happy to know that i'm someone that you trust and share your problem. I do not know how to advice you, the only thing I could do is to lend you my listening ears. I hope things will be better for the coming week. M sure you could find a better solution to deal with the economy downturn. And don't ever think that I'll hate you. What happened, is not all your fault. We've tried and apparently we don't work out. Whatever it's, I should say thank you. There's ups and downs in life, m sure soon you would overcome it. Way to go guy!

I hope I'll luv myself more

13:14

05 March 2009

If only I was born in a wealthy family and I'll resign and take a long vacation break to somewhere relaxing and lead a carefree life. Repeated mistake within a week is intolerance and seems like i've lost my concentration at work after so many things happened this year. I no longer excel in my work and looks like m a grumbler. =( Alright, I hope I'll have a good rest tomorrow since I took a day leave. Still undecide whether should I go for the dinner or shouldn't I. If m going, m gonna spend a few hundred bucks. =( Besides, mom having a day off and sis too. So tomorrow shopping day for us.

If I've half a million, I'll invest in AUD $. =)

If only time could turn back...

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:48

Last evening BOMs having meeting so we could go back home once we finished our work. 5.30pm is too early for me to go off and meet up with Jasm at her work place. So decided to help Wati with her return mails.

Not sure why I always get so pissed off when Jasm showed to me those smses from her. Not sure if she noticed that only yesterday or long*2 ago. If she noticed that long ago, why would she still wanna show me those smses? I was kinda disappointed and walked off. Plenty of thoughts on my mind when I was taking a cabby home. I felt that m like a fool, waited for 2hours for her to knock off and supposedly to catch up with each other at cafe since both of us not going to take our dinner. But why I ruined the chit chat session that I used to enjoy her companion?

Why can't I change for the sake of my friends?

I hope I'll luv myself more

09:29

01 March 2009

Gonna attend a wedding dinner this upcoming Friday. Was thinking of getting my hair trimmed, maybe coloured as well as get it straighten. But it's gonna cost me a few hundred bucks. Shouldn't 've spent so much previous month. Just gotten my pay but all gone to cc =( I was thinking to terminate my ccs but to be honest, is tough. Maybe just get one terminated and slowly I should control my spending. Then get started with my driving licence and get a car myself. Or... .. save it up for my 3 rooms flat 10years later. Hahas. Though getting a tattoo done on my wrist has been my wish. But I've think twice and decided not to, I won't know I might regret one day.

Meet up with KQ yesterday evening and we had dinner together. I was complaining a lot 'bout work and my sister. M sorries for being so naggy. Hahas!

O yah, Qin said that I put on weights.

I hope I'll luv myself more

21:59